Grand Theft Self-Esteem

Can I tell you how many of my clients confide, and yet have often not told another person, how much they dislike themselves? SO many! “Big deal” you might say. “Get over it.” “Rub some dirt on it.” “Nobody said life was easy.” Exactly the kinds of things they were told growing up. By parents – their guardians! The exact people who are supposed to look out for their kids, to ensure they make it through this life, whole and intact.

We hear so much about bullying these days. It is a buzzword for intolerable behavior for the nation’s school children. Kids have killed themselves over being bullied (and still are)! But guess who some of the biggest bullies out there are – their own parents.

In an article entitled “Did a Narcissist Steal Your Self-Esteem?” author Anneli Rufus highlights one pointed, particular form of parental bullying – that by a narcissistic parent. Here are a few lines:

He watched his mother talk —about her hair, her friends, her car —for twenty minutes. When she paused for breath, he said: “I got promoted at work. They’re sending me to —”
“Hey,” she said. “Have you seen that new TV series about Brahms?”
“No,” he sighed. “By the way, my friend Jed is going blind.”
“That reminds me,” she said. “I need new glasses.”
He wanted to punch himself, but he did not know why.
Narcissists steal their children’s self-esteem.
They shred, stomp, squelch and siphon it away.
Did this happen to you? Was your childhood a crime scene? Were you robbed?
Did someone you loved rob you by not listening to you, by gazing instead blankly into space as soon as you opened your mouth to speak?
Did someone you loved rob you by demanding all of your attention, always, while giving you none?
Did someone you loved rob you by feeling no joy when you were joyous, by not hurting when you hurt?

And this wasn’t some little kid – this was an adult, with a job, a person we would expect would not be so affected by a parent’s behavior or comments. And yet…
Imagine going through a lifetime of that! Oh, I know, you don’t have to imagine – many of you lived it and are STILL living it.

Our subconscious minds have no concept of time when it comes to emotion. The feelings you felt when you were convinced you are not important, or worthy, or intelligent, or any other negative thing, stay with you always. And as soon as a trigger reminds you of one of those times, the exact, same feelings come screaming back, just as if it happened ten minutes ago. And so we repress the feelings, the hurt, and the shame, because if we didn’t, we’d have to do something drastic, likely to ourselves.

So what can be done? For my clients, it is hypnotherapy. I understand very well that when someone comes to see me for weight loss, or to quit smoking, or to rid themselves of some fear, or chronic pain, or some embarrassing habit, they are not REALLY coming to see me for those issues. Nope, those are simply a symptom of some other, more significant, underlying issue. Almost always it is an ‘anesthetic’ to mask or detract from a fractured sense of self-confidence, or anxiety, or self-loathing, and almost always set up by their protector – their subconscious mind.

Does it help? Almost every week I hear from clients that hypnosis has changed their lives; that they wish they had come to see me much earlier; that nothing else they ever tried worked. You bet it works! If you or someone you care about can identify with these issues and you want to know more about how hypnotherapy can help, please visit my website or contact me at www.skipnotherapy.com. Isn’t it time to like yourself again?